How to Find Joy and Never Self-Sabotage Again Using Positive Intelligence
Photo by Jared Erondu on Unsplash
Do you ever think . . . why am I so mean to myself? Is that even me talking to me? Why can’t I be more optimistic? Is life always going to be this hard? Here’s a little secret: we all have those negative voices in our heads. They’re called Saboteurs. And here’s another secret: we can beat them. The Positive Intelligence Program is a proven method of overcoming self-sabotage and finding joy with a zen (or Sage) mind. We’ll get into the simple process of defeating the Saboteurs, but first, let’s start with this question…
Why Do We Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a way for the brain to keep you “safe” when it's in survival mode. “It's a process, a complex, tragic process that pits people against their own thoughts and impulses.”[1] Typically, this behavior shows up when we don’t want to feel our emotions or experiences fully. Some common examples of self-sabotage include isolating, drinking or addiction, spending money way beyond our means, hurting ourselves or others, and the list goes on.[1] So, what’s the solution? The Positive Intelligence Program can help with this!
Is Positive Intelligence like Being Super Duper Smart?
No (although, we bet you are pretty dang smart since you’re reading this article). Shizrad Chamine developed the concept of Positive Intelligence. He has a BA in psychology and wrote the New York Times bestselling book, Positive Intelligence. The idea combines neuroscience, cognitive behavioral psychology, positive psychology, and performance science to create a program (the Positive Intelligence Program) that improves overall mental health. [2]
Research for the program was conducted on over half a million people in 50 different countries. Participants ranged from students, athletes, CEOS, and many more walks of life. [2] The premise of the program works with 10 negative response factors and 5 positive response factors, known as Saboteurs and Sages. By learning how to work with these factors, participants can build “mental fitness” to improve how they respond to everyday situations. [3]
The Positive Intelligence Program works at the root level of problems rather than just treating the symptoms. Ultimately, participants come away with new habits and better tools to navigate stressful life events long after they finish the program. Before getting into the details of the program, let’s meet the Saboteurs and the Sages.
Get to Know the Saboteurs
Saboteurs are the negative voices in your head that respond when a challenging or stressful situation arises.[2] These voices can lead to unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger, fear, and envy. They can show up as many different characters in the story your brain is telling. To know the Saboteurs, we first have to become familiar with the “Judge.” Think of the Judge as the puppetmaster, it works with the other Saboteurs to really drive home the narrative it wants you to believe. In the list below, you’ll meet the nine Saboteurs and the ways they can show up in your brain’s response process.
The Avoider sees a conflict or challenging situation and tells you it's not safe to move in that direction, causing you to procrastinate or avoid it completely.
The Controller makes you believe that the only way something can have a “good” outcome is if you are in total control of it, which can turn forceful or impatient.
The Hyper-Achiever convinces you that if something is going to be done, it has to be perfect or it's not even worth it. Even worse, your self-worth is based on that performance.
The Hyper-Rational neglects emotion and tries to “think” its way through everything. This can show up in coldness and disinterest in relationships or work.
The Hyper-Vigilant is always looking for what can go wrong, making you move through life with a lot of anxiety and fear.
The Pleaser is worried about letting other people down and has a hard time setting boundaries. The word “no” is often not even in the Pleaser’s vocabulary!
The Restless constantly feels the need to be doing something. At times, that thing isn’t even actually productive, but it makes the Restless feel like it’s contributing and therefore gaining acceptance or affection and validating self-worth.
The Stickler likes order and organization. It’s on the quest for perfection all the time, leaving little room for creativity.
The Victim uses emotions to gain attention or affection and oftentimes can’t “get over” the thing that happened which caused the negative feeling.
Do any of these Saboteurs sound familiar? They all come up for us at different times and in different ways. The more you know them, the better you’ll be able to identify and intercept them. To find out which Saboteur is most influential in your life, you can take the Saboteur Assessment here.[2]
Photo by Andrew Small on Unsplash
Learn About Your (Super) Sage Powers
Sage Powers are ways you can choose to respond to a situation instead of letting the Saboteur take charge. They might seem challenging at first, but the more you use them, the more natural it will feel to see challenges through the Sage Brain. The Five Sage Powers are:
Empathize – If the stressor is relational, try to understand where the other person might be coming from (put yourself in their shoes).
Explore – Become curious about the emotions and where they might be originating, there’s so much to discover here!
Innovate – Think about the alternative ways you can respond to the stressor, and try something new!
Navigate – Maybe there isn’t an “answer” to the Saboteur, but you can still observe what it’s saying and feel your way through it rather than letting it control your response.
Activate – Make a move! Is there a problem that needs your attention? Take a small step of action toward resolving it.
So How Do I Stop Self-Sabotaging?
Here’s the good news – your brain can actually change how it responds to those The Saboteurs. You won’t be surprised to know that it takes a little patience and a lot of practice. But, you might be surprised by how much better you’ll feel once you start noticing the difference. You can work to improve your mental fitness through PQ Reps – a 10-second exercise shifting the mind’s focus to the present moment.[3] An example of a PQ Rep can be rubbing fingertips together, focusing on a sound, noticing a scent, or becoming aware of your breath. Whichever rep you decide to do, be sure it's for at least 10 seconds. Research has shown that “even brief periods of PQ Reps show significant results.”[3]
Improving your relationship with Saboteurs is a three-step process:
Exercise your Saboteur Intercept Muscle – Identify the Saboteur and then let go of the thoughts and emotions that Saboteur typically wants you to believe.
Exercise your Self-Command Muscle – Use PQ Reps to weaken the Saboteur and create space for the Sage Response.
Exercise your Sage Muscle – Choose a Sage Power to Respond with and practice using it.
Start Improving Your Mental Fitness Today
How do you know if you should work on your mental fitness? The truth is, anyone can benefit from exercising their positive mental muscles, just like anyone can benefit from daily physical exercise. But to find your PQ (Positive Intelligence Quotient), you can take a PQ Score assessment on the Positive Intelligence Program website here. The assessment takes less than five minutes and the only personal information you’ll need to provide is your email to get the results.
If you find your PQ score could use some improvement (a score lower than 75), the Positive Intelligence Program might be for you! The 6-week foundational program includes a 15-minute daily practice, a weekly focus with an hour-long informational and practical video, ways to measure your progress, and community support! The 6-week program is designed to help develop those three core muscles (Saboteur Intercept Muscle, Self-Command Muscle, and Sage Muscle). Once you master the fundamentals, the program expands to other modules where you can specialize your mental fitness to the situations you find most challenging in your life (i.e. school, work, relationships, parenting). Learn more about the program here.
Recovery Coaching and Therapy Provider in North Dakota
If you find it hard to improve self-sabotaging behaviors on your own, contact Victoria Gore at Holistic Recovery Services. As a holistic recovery coach, Victoria has a variety of modalities to help clients who are stuck in survival mode and moves them into a life where they can thrive. Learn more about her services here, or schedule an appointment to get started today!
